Tribute for David?

I'm still in mourning for David. I cannot stop crying. i have moments when I'm okay and I'm writing my book"Lady M..." and then when I start writing a sentence, or a chapter reminiscent of something that had to do with him and I, i just start breaking down and crying. I'm not sure what is being planned. A memorial, a tribute. I'm hurting cause I think something should be done but no one is talking to me.

I hate that I'm not in LA right now. I want to mourn and talk to his friends but a few of them are giving me a bit of a brush off. You can't really tell over the phone. I call one of his friends, Chris Mann at Evil Angel, to see if something is going to be done. He (David) had just shot a film for them, one that has garnered a few AVN Award Nominations, and Chris tells me that he's putting together a memorial. I'm relieved. I ask if it would be possible if I can speak for him at the Awards ceremony, in case he wins the Best Director--cause i've spoken to two of David's friends and they don't want to -- and he tells me that if he does win that it would be them who would speak for David.

I'm just relieved that there would be some kind of tribute. The movie is called PURE and Evil Angel distributes it.

My Best Friend Is Gone

I get a call from an unfamiliar phone number early this afternoon. I usually don't pick up or answer calls from phone numbers I don't recognize, for it could be people and creditors I owe, an old benefriend, or anybody, but something tells me to pick it up. The person on the other end it's a girl and she sounds upset. She asks if she could speak to China Barbie and i'm like, huh? Cause China B has been long gone and only close friends who know my other name have my number. She introduces herself as Aiden, which sounds familiar. It's a friend of David's.

She tells me that she's calling about David, and I don't know what to think, and she goes on to tell me in tears that he is gone. I don't believe it the first few seconds she tells me, then when she continues to cry it hits me. I scream. I cannot believe it. Just a few days ago I had been calling and calling him and leaving him text messages - and I usually talk to him on the holidays cause since we're usually away from our families, we always chat a little bit on holidays, so i did think it was strange that I had text him and still hadn't heard back from him.

A few days ago also, i got a message from my Youtube account that he had just subscribed to my channel, cause i wanted to know what he thought of the movie (straight film) that i shot. But, now since the movie was done, I was aching to tell him that I wanted to finally write-finish the book about my life in the biz and what did he think of that as well--and no word from him. Now I know why.

I called her back cause I was just way to upset to stay on the line, and she told me that she and a few of his friends were cleaning out his apartment. My picture/business card was on his desk. All I could think of too was his poor cat. I remembered years ago when I lived with him in North Hollywood, when I first got into adult, he had a black cat name Moses, but years later Moses would get hit by a car and died and so he got another black cat, I don't remember his name -- but two years ago I had gotten the opportunity to be a mommy to a two week old black kitten and thought about Moses and David, and took the cat home. i"m rambling now. But David was such a dear friend. A special friend. We were so close, so tight. We were both East Coast, going to the land of the West Coast. He was my savior in a lot of ways cause I had gotten into so much trouble my first year in adult. Ohhh, the stories I can tell. But he was definitely the one to tell me to try to stay out of the biz and pursue my filmmaking dreams. Of which i am doing now. His one quote to me, that just changed it for me was, 'It's better to be a poor artist, than a poor pornographer'. So true. So true. My dear friend. I will always remember you David.